Machete

Film/DVD

This one is just a little bit silly. It is abrasive, riddled with one-dimensional characters, has an almost inanely simple plot and is extremely cheesy. But this is all part of the charm of Machete. It is a stereotype loaded, tongue in cheek B movie.

Take revenge, immigration, comic book violence, a little nudity and some A List actors, throw them in a blender and you’ll be drinking a Machete smoothie.

The ever deadpan Danny Trejo is the ex Mexican federale all action angry man on a revenge mission. Given that he is perhaps not the most stunning leading man, he seems to bizarrely have some of the most beautiful women throwing themselves at him.

Lindsey Lohan is the drug addicted, self obsessed naughty girl turned gun toting nun. Nice to see her back on screen.

Jessica Alba the earnest special agent.

Michelle Rodriguez is the taco stall owning head of the underground operation. She just about edges it in the battle of the screen babes in this one.

Robert De Niro the evil senator. He is woeful in this, horrible.

And Steven Segal, looking twice the size from his early days, the ultimate villain. Honestly, he’s really pretty massive now.

That is about that. There is plenty of action, and masses of violence – like when Trejo slices a man open then uses his intestine as an escape rope and jumps out of a window swinging on it.

The script is suitably crafted and easy to follow, Alba sums up Trejo’s situation at one point: “exploding houses, bodies falling from the sky. Jesus Christ Machete, you’re a fucking walking shit magnet.”

It is co-directed by Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis and it does exactly what you’d expect, but nothing more. Entertaining and silly action, plenty of guts and gore, some imaginative killing sequences and an overall vibe of low-grade 70s-esque visuals.

Did I enjoy it? In parts. It is not a great movie, but it is a reasonably entertaining one. I know plenty of people who will love this, but I’m not in any hurry to watch it again. It is like a comic book that you are fond of but not obsessed by, quite entertaining whist you are reading it, but instantly forgettable once you’ve put it down.

5.5/10